Why am I such a bad friend?

I can never do anything right. School hasn't even started yet, and I already feel too overwhelmed. I feel like every little thing I do is being judged, and I'm never scoring high. I have amazing friends. I really do. After my best friends and I from LV kind of drifted when we entered high school, I found so many friends that I have things in common with. I can honestly say with my entire heart that I love them more than words even describe. I never thought I'd find anyone else that made me feel the way my 'old group' did, but I know that they do. Sure, I want so badly to rekindle what I had with my old friends. Is that such a crime? They've been there for me since the second grade. We just lost a little contact due to school things, but I want and I need to be there for them. Just because we're not as close as we used to be doesn't mean we can't be that way again. But now I feel like when I try to hangout with both groups, people get angry with me and see me as a backstabbing person who is 'too good' for anyone. I hate this so much. I must be a pretty sucky friend. Awesome.

OH MY GOODNESS

I'M TIRED

Junior Year

Will be amazing. I can feel it inside me. Something great is going to happen. I don't know what, but it'll be great.

I'm actually proud of myself.

I know who I am, and that's a start. No, I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow. No, I don't know if I'll ever find a boyfriend. No, I don't know who I'll be friends with in 10 years. No, I don't know what college I want to attend. No, I don't know why I still have feelings for someone I should be over. No, I don't know how to fix everything. No, I don't know what to say to my friends sometimes. But Yes, I know who Erin Marie Walsh is. And she knows that God is going to lead her to where she needs to be. In HIS timing. Not hers.

You deserve so much more than me.

It's time I stopped doing this to you, as much as I like you. I'm just not ready. It's as simple as that.

I really have nothing to say other than this;

I am happy. I am blessed. And I am living my life day by day. It's great.

Dear God,

I'm sorry I haven't been as faithful as I should be. I've strayed and gotten lost but you've always been here for me. I've always loved you and I always will. I'm sorry that I yell at you sometimes. I get angry. But I'm so thankful for my life on this earth. Please continue to guide and direct me where you want me. I love you.

Love, Erin.