Everything's Okay.

I need to stop telling myself otherwise. Yeah, there will be days where I sit here and cry but I’m fine. I’m alive, and I’m breathing. I’ll get hurt, but that’s life. Things will get better. I’m a very lucky person and I need to stop trying to convince myself otherwise. God’s got a plan for my life, and I know the way things play out now is only because He has a purpose for my life. Hello, positive new Erin :)

So last night...

I had such a great time. SUCH A GREAT TIME OH MY GOODNESS. I love country music. Mix that with some great people that, some of which, I haven't even met before, and you get an amazing night with some amazing and hilarious people.

I'm such a lucky girl, who's blessed with great friends. Whether it be sitting at someone's house watching a movie, or going to a Rascal Flatts concert, I always have an amazing time.

It all sucks though because I feel like I have like 10 different groups of friends. (Not really, that was totally exaggerated lol) But I feel like it. I hate it because when I hangout with one group, I always wonder what all my other friends are doing and if they're angry or upset I'm not there. I can't please everyone. I'm only one person. But I feel like there's something I need to do, and I'm going to do it. I realize that someone along the way, or multiple people, will confront me about it and think that I'm ditching my friends to hangout with other people but it's okay because I know that's not true. I know that I'm just doing this for ME. I want these people in my life, and I'm putting them there. I will always love every single one of my friends, and the ones that don't know that aren't really my friends I guess.

Well. Off to church.

I think the way my life is headed right now is a good thing.

I know that this year is going to be tough with all the school work, but I feel like this year is going to be different. I just need to keep my focus, and keep my head above water. It’s easy to drown when I feel overwhelmed with school, speech, friends, family, etc. I need to make the time for people I never get to see, because I miss them and I really want to be closer to them as well as all the people I see and am close to already. I have to make some changes, so bear with me. I’m no where near perfect, but I have to do this for me. I love all of my friends, and it’s time I started showing some of them that.

TODAY WAS REALLY FUN

I'm sad that summer's over. But I'm excited to see what the new school year brings. Please, Lord.. don't let me stress out to much this year. I don't think I'll be able to handle it. (That's the thing...I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just pray he keeps me sane and helps me make it.)

Whatever

hopefully today is a great day. I think it will be.

This is why I'd never bail on someone. I'd never just walk away.

Because someone who I loved with everything I had at that time, walked out of my life without a second glance. My heart was left broken, and still to this very waking day, I'm left picking up pieces. Everything seemed to fall downhill from there when I got to high school. Friends leaving me, speech taking over my life, bad grades, etc. But when I meet someone who has changed my life and who is always there for me- I'll never just leave you. Never. We might loose contact, like my LV friends. But I'm trying as best as I can. I just can't believe some people view me as the kind of person who just up and leaves her best friends. Am I really that horrible? Apparently I am.

Why am I such a bad friend?

I can never do anything right. School hasn't even started yet, and I already feel too overwhelmed. I feel like every little thing I do is being judged, and I'm never scoring high. I have amazing friends. I really do. After my best friends and I from LV kind of drifted when we entered high school, I found so many friends that I have things in common with. I can honestly say with my entire heart that I love them more than words even describe. I never thought I'd find anyone else that made me feel the way my 'old group' did, but I know that they do. Sure, I want so badly to rekindle what I had with my old friends. Is that such a crime? They've been there for me since the second grade. We just lost a little contact due to school things, but I want and I need to be there for them. Just because we're not as close as we used to be doesn't mean we can't be that way again. But now I feel like when I try to hangout with both groups, people get angry with me and see me as a backstabbing person who is 'too good' for anyone. I hate this so much. I must be a pretty sucky friend. Awesome.

OH MY GOODNESS

I'M TIRED

Junior Year

Will be amazing. I can feel it inside me. Something great is going to happen. I don't know what, but it'll be great.

I'm actually proud of myself.

I know who I am, and that's a start. No, I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow. No, I don't know if I'll ever find a boyfriend. No, I don't know who I'll be friends with in 10 years. No, I don't know what college I want to attend. No, I don't know why I still have feelings for someone I should be over. No, I don't know how to fix everything. No, I don't know what to say to my friends sometimes. But Yes, I know who Erin Marie Walsh is. And she knows that God is going to lead her to where she needs to be. In HIS timing. Not hers.